“Why did I not see this before?”

Have you ever had an ah-ha moment, where something becomes super clear to you and you cannot believe you haven’t seen it before?

Trust me, it’s not just you.

There’s an old proverb that says, “fish discover water last”.

It refers to when we are so used to something surrounding us in our life, we don’t even realize it is there.

We can be the last one to discover the truth of what is going on because we have become so immersed in it. 

Just like the fish does not know it is immersed in water, and therefore doesn’t even see the water.

They know no other reality.

They would need to get out of the water to know the difference.

Reading this old Ethiopian proverb this week in my MBA course was my ah-ha moment.

You see, it described me about 15 years ago, and I know it describes many women I am helping.

I was so immersed in a very unhealthy relationship, that although people around me could see it clearly, I didn’t see it and just kept trying to be supportive.  They were pulling away and I was digging in deeper.

I felt like I was banging my head against a wall, as nothing I did seemed to help.

I couldn’t see it because I was in it.

It can apply to so many of the things we stay in, that are actually holding us back from who we truly want to be.

Maybe you are staying in a job that leaves you exhausted, overwhelmed, and not doing what you want to be doing because it is what you have always done.

Or are you in a relationship that is harmful emotionally, and maybe even physically, because you have been in it so long it feels normal.

You may even keep saying yes, because that is just what you’ve always said.

Or do you just explain away other’s actions because you always keep the peace?  The reality is that lack of conflict is never peace, it’s just avoidance.

Have you kept trying hard at work thinking you can make it what it could be, but you really don’t have the decisions are out of your control? But you keep trying, and working harder …

I have so often stayed back from stepping forward into my dream because it feels much safer where I am … it is where I have always been

That’s all great you say, but how do I get out?  If I don’t see it, how do I change it?

Let’s go back to the proverb.

The fish is the last to discover the assumptions about his reality because it is immersed in them.

We have to get out of the water to know we were in the water.

First, find a strong community.  This may be your family, good friends (that are not in your water), or groups that  you can connect with that will help you take steps forward and identify not only where you are, but where you want to be. (Hint:  a life coach is great for this!)

Set goals, and dream big.  If you do not have any goals that are pushing you forward to be the best you can be, then you are probably comfortable and just settling.  That is great, but that is not who you were called to be.  We were not made for comfort, we were made to thrive as who we were uniquely made to be.

Learn more.  Ever wonder about something and wish you knew more about it? Did you know that we can learn anything we want to learn about?  We have books, google, groups we can join, experts we can learn from … it is all available to us.  I heard it said a few years ago that we can develop whatever we want to by simply reading and practice.  Maybe that is why I love to read so much.

If we are not moving forward we will not see beyond our water.

Let’s get out of the water and discover the potential God gave us when He made us. 

He didn’t make us to stay in the water, He made us to soar out of it.