The Why of Saying No

How great are you at saying no?

Does it come easily, or are you like most of us where you stumble and struggle to say “no” to someone or something?

As a Grandma I have an even harder time saying no, strangely harder than to my own kids! Funny how that works.

The truth is that when I get super clear on who we were made to be, and who we want to be, the word “no” becomes very important.

I don’t know about you, but that goes against who I was growing up.  

I believed that if I could be better, nicer, sweeter, or did more, than I would be enough.  Reality? None of those things worked and I felt empty and never good enough.

See, none of us can be everything to everyone. 

We can’t do everything. 

We literally can’t.

I know that doesn’t make it is any easier.

But at some point, it only makes sense to say no if we want to move forward and be our best self.

Without the no, the yeses become too much.

We may be doing more, but we are not doing our best … Until we find the clarity.

Clarity of what we value the most.

Clarity of who we were made to be.

Clarity of the things we are passionate about.

Clarity of how our past has impacted our present and how to pivot moving forward.

Clarity of how we want to show up day by day.

Clarity of what is unique about us and how we want to express it.

Clarity of how to conquer the language we use with ourselves.

Clarity of who we are outside of any roles we have.

You see, when we get super clear it builds the confidence to act on it. 

It creates the momentum.

The word “no” becomes one of the most important words we can learn.

When we say no, we can say more “yes”.

When we do less of the things that are not part of our best, we do better on the things that are most important.

Sometimes we can say yes to just love and serve, but most of the time we are saying yes because we just don’t know how to say no.

When you are faced with a  “yes” or “no”:

• Ask yourself if you are saying yes out of guilt, shame, trying to please someone, or trying to be enough.
• Think about if the yes is in alignment with your top core values, those things that you value the most and want to prioritize.
• Would your yes allow you to show up as your best you, as who you want to be?
• Determine if the yes would be a step forward or just a step because you don’t want to say no.

These steps will give you a filter to begin to use for when to say yes, and when to say no.

I have learned that:

• I don’t have to say yes to every opportunity.  I can take time and kindly say, “let me think about that and see if it fits with my desire to be my best.
• I don’t have to serve in every area those I admire serve in.  I have my own unique skills and talents and I use them the best when I match where I serve with the passions I have been given.
• I don’t have to respond the same way others do.  I only need to own the gifts God has given me and use those the best way I can.
• Doing things to please others never works well.  We feel like we are on a hamster wheel, and they usually don’t feel as pleased as we thought they would. Before long we are doing the next thing to try and please them more.
• When I put work or serving before relationships, neither has my best.

Let me ask you, where do you need to say no?

What is holding you back from saying no, instead of a fast “yes”?

When we gain the clarity, we filter our answers to be alignment with what we value the most, and we begin to use momentum to live in confident purpose and intention.

We begin to make the difference we always valued and wanted to make.

The why of saying no is to make your yes a bigger, bolder and much more transformational yes!

You’ve got this!  

How do I know?  Because you already have been given what you need to make the choices that help you live your best you.