Know what you are willing to give up, to get what you need.   

When we think of what we want to accomplish, or who we want to be, we most often think of how to move forward. 

What steps we need to take to reach our goals.

We don’t as naturally think of what we need to give up to get there.

Yet, this is a really important mindset to reach our biggest goals, or even our daily action steps.

In order for us to move forward, we need to give something up.

If you want to get up early and have a morning routine, you need to go to bed earlier the night before and give up staying up later … or give up sleep if you’ve stayed up too late!

If you want to spend more time doing something, you need to give up time doing something else … we all have the same 24 hours in a day!

If you want to spend more time with family, you need to give up spending time with someone else.

If you want to exercise, then you need to give up time doing something else.

If you want to read more, than you will likely need to give up some TV time.

If you want to lose weight, then you need to give up eating some of those comfort foods, and some favourite sweets.

If I want to be with my grandchildren, then I need to give the time to do that and give up time doing something else.

I am about to begin my MBA and it is important to me, but I will need to give up time doing other things to get it done!

If you pay to travel, you give up the money that would go somewhere else.

Know what you are willing to give up, to get what is most important.

I had this phrase said to me while going through my divorce, and even though it was in reference to court and what I would potentially ask for, I have found it an invaluable filter in my life.

At the time my friend was speaking about the fact that everyone loses something in court.  You don’t have two people go to court and both win everything they want.  You will need to give something up.  But when you are clear on what is most important you get clear on what you can give up to get that. 

For me it was giving up some money that would have been fair to ask for, and using specific wording to get tighter access … as least tighter in the language used and time we were required to wait at a drop off spot before we were free to carry on to the next activity.  I needed the clarity of boundaries and parameters of time.  Honestly, I was tired of waiting in Tim Horton’s parking lots for hours, and it was not great for the kids.

I also needed to get clear on wording (for me it was the wording of what joint and sole meant) so I knew exactly what I was asking for and making sure it was fair.  I realized that joint was a really important word with the other person and yet gave no loss to myself of access or boundaries … I can’t tell you how often I have been able to share that with others going through the same hardships.

I did not spend lots of time in court, and it never went further than the first step.  I believe that is mostly due to getting clear on this phrase. 

I got super clear on what I needed, and knew what I was willing to give up to get it.

But now I find I use it almost every day. 

I know I could spend 24 hours in my office and still have creating, social media posts, or administrative work to do.  At some point I need to turn it off. 

I have been working hard at stopping my work day at dinner time and enjoying the evening with my husband or working on something together.

It can be harder when you work from home, but I have found it so very important.  

And mentally invaluable.

So, what is most important to you?  

What are your personal dreams and goals that you want to be intentional about?

Who do you want to be?

… 

And then what are you willing to give up to make sure you stay focused and taking strategic action steps toward those priorities and goals?

Know what you need – and then know what you are willing to give up to get to where you want to be.