“If only I could.”
What does that sentence represent to you? If only you could________? What would you fill that line in with?
If only I could speak like her …
If only I had more education …
If only I was more engaging …
If only I had the followers they have …
We do it all the time. I don’t even think we realize we are doing it sometimes.
Social media doesn’t help and gives us pictures of idealistic lives and perfect people. We know it’s not true, but pictures don’t lie, do they? So, we buy into it … pictures are often more powerful than words.
I lived in limited belief in myself for so many years. It was truly exhausting. If only I could be a better Mom. If only I was as sweet as I perceived others to be then I would be as loved as I perceived others to be(that’s a lot of perception going on there). If only I could host and entertain like they do. If only I had their opportunities, then I too could accomplish the same. So, I stayed in limbo … because how can you move ahead while you are constantly comparing yourself to others.
The funny thing is, those are all lies. I had control all along. I had the strength and capability to do anything I chose to do and accomplish. The choice was mine, but I was too tied up in my limiting beliefs of myself and never acted. I knew a lot of my insecurity and limiting beliefs of my capabilities were the outcome of listening to and giving value to the words of the wrong person. I had the choice to believe the lies or be the change.
Without actions to our dreams and goals, they just remain as wishes.
It wasn’t a sudden change. It was lots of personal development in reading, podcasts, speakers, long talks with friends, but little by little the change started. I began to hear “you can learn anything you need to learn by reading”, “you can accomplish anything by practice, practice, practice” and “a very small percentage of the most successful business people are born into fortune.”
I realized a few things:
1. I can read … and search google.
2. I can practice.
3. I can find experts and learn from them.
4. The change was up to me and not anyone else.
5. I needed to change my limited beliefs and myself talk.
To change limited belief you have to change what you believe. Easier said than done, right?
Here are some ways you can begin to change those beliefs that limit you:
*Surround yourself with a great support group. When my son was much younger and not confidant in himself (although he was crazy talented), I would tell him to borrow some of my confidence in him until he had enough of his own.
*Listen and learn from others who have walked before you. Find your expert and watch them, ask them questions, and then listen well.
*Own your part in how you got to the present. Even though the choices in our circumstances were not always ours, we need to own where we are. When I finally did that, it also gave me the ability to own my future and what choices I would make to take the next brave steps.
*Practice your dreams. Live in the “as if”; as if you have already accomplished your dreams. If you want to be a speaker, find places where you can speak (join a Toastmasters, volunteer somewhere that involves speaking, practice live videos …). If you want to be a writer, practice writing by journaling, blogging, writing letters …
*Take personal development courses to consistently improve and help keep you motivated.
*Read, read, read, and read.
*Use affirmations regularly. This is a whole blog post on its own and will be posted next week). Affirmations are phrases we can practice to retrain and replace our limited thinking. They remind us of the truth and switches our thinking so we can live our best version of ourselves. If I keep telling myself that I have the skills and capabilities to be a successful life coach that empowers and equips others to take bold steps, then I will begin to act that way as well. We don’t believe it because we have chosen to believe the lies of comparison and perceptions of others, not because we truly aren’t capable. We are, and we have the skills (or can learn them), we are just usually listening to the wrong voice.