Are you looking for more self confidence?

Wouldn’t  you love to live with the clarity and confidence that you can do it! Whatever that is, we all want to feel capable and confident.

Thing is, sometimes we look in the wrong places or use our confidence, and lack of confidence, in a way that does not align with our why and who we are.

Our self confidence is, “a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment”.

Your confidence is not having the skills and using them perfectly, but rather your feeling in your abilities.  It’s the belief in yourself,  that you can learn and work through what you need to and get to where you want to go.

In our attempt at building our self confidence, it is so easy to just feel overwhelmed, confused, and probably a little burnt out trying to do it all, and be it all.

I have great news for you!  We were never meant to do it all.  Just think about it, if we everyone of us could do it all and be it all … well, the world would be much more boring, don’t you think?

So what do we do then?  

Well … here are 3 mistakes you can avoid when searching for self confidence:

1.  The comparison game.  It is so easy when we feel a lack of self confidence to think that if we were more like “her” (insert anyone you admire here), then we would feel more confident.  Doesn’t work.  It doesn’t work, and it becomes a non-stop wheel of trying to be someone else.  We were never meant to be anyone else.  Our self confidence begins to build when we get clear on our unique skills, talents, and purpose … and then own that!  
2. Skip the clarity step.  Discovering clarity is the foundational step you need that will build self confidence.  Think of it as using a map.  If we can’t do it all, then what should we be focusing on?  A map gives you direction.  It helps you know what roads to take, and what roads not to take.  When you have the clarity of your unique God-given talents and purpose, your core values and your passions, then you have clearer direction.  You have a better idea what to say yes to, and what to say no to, to live in alignment with who you were made to be.  Without the map we end up on a long Sunday drive admiring whatever we happen to see.  Finding clarity is such an important first step because the clarity helps you to know the next step, one at a time.  As we take each step we build momentum and as we take step after step we discover that yes we can, and our confidence grows.  
3. People pleasing.  Although it is an accurate description of what we are doing at the time, people pleasing never pleases.  It is just a moving target really.  I have literally watched women that are trying to please others move around a room agreeing with whoever they are speaking with, totally unaware that they are giving a different agreement each time.  I can remember one time the woman was totally oblivious that I was right beside her and had just listened to her agree with the person before on a completely opposite opinion! Most of us aren’t that inauthentic, but it is what we do when we try to please someone else.  We are acting in alignment with what we think they want, or to bring the peace that we want.  I think you know though, that it never works for long. To act in a way that simply pleases others leaves us feeling out of alignment with who we are, and therefore leaves us also feeling a lack of confidence.  We’ll never feel confident when we are pleasing others because it’s not building assurance in our abilities, it is simply trying to make someone else happy or peaceful, and that truly has nothing to do with us.  

So, back to the definition of confidence.

What are your abilities, qualities, and judgements you would like a feeling of trust in?

You see, the feeling of trust is in yourself.  It is a knowing that you can, no matter what the road is.  

It might curve and bend, and you might go over bumps in the road … but you can still get there.  

One of my favourite affirmation statements to use is, “I can, and I will”.  

There is no but, or maybe, or if … I can and I will.

I can keep moving forward, and step by step I discover that I have done things I didn’t think I could, I have gone farther than I thought I could, and I have accomplished more than I believed at first.  

The clarity will begin the momentum that builds the confidence.

Begin with the clarity, stop the comparison game, and realize that you are not responsible for other’s pleasure.

You’ve got this.  

You were made on purpose, with purpose, and for a purpose.  Be confident in that.