So … here you are in a spot and stage you knew was coming, but just didn’t know what it would look like. After all the bedtimes, birthday parties, lessons, recitals, activities, boo-boos, break ups, carpooling, and late-night conversations about joys, hurts, and dreams … they have moved out and it is awfully quiet in your nest.  You are either breathing a sigh of relief or have a few tears streaming down your face.

Do you feel the joy of this new stage?  

Can you see the opportunties ahead of you? 

Are you dreaming big?

Or do you feel a loss of identity, or are just confused as to what that identity is anymore?

Are you feeling pride of their accomplishments or has their independence left you with a deep sadness?

Are you relieved, or still feeling like you need to control choices?

Adjusting to an empty nest can be full of joy, anticipation, freedom, growth, and purpose. We can see the glass half full or half empty.  We can see opportunity or loss.  It is up to us.

One of the hardest things I have heard that women go through, is their child leaving home and making their own independent choices that are different from those of their parents.

But I have seen women embrace their years, serve like they never had time for, love without abandonment, and dream like they never could before.

So how can do we journey through these years with clarity, purpose, and confidence?

I have joined a few groups on social media in the last few years that support one another in this stage of empty nesting.  I have heard it all in the groups.  What I hear about most is loss.  I get it, it is a hard stage. 

What I do know is that the loss and grief that many attribute to empty nesting stage leaves you stuck … and honestly, we are the only ones stuck there.   The ones we are grieving and missing are living their life … just like we worked so hard to have them do!  They are experiencing joy, so why aren’t we?

What can you do to embrace these years and live confidently in them?

*Dream. Dream big!  These are years that bring with them additional time that we never had.  We get to choose how to spend that time.  One of my favourite client age is seniors because they are so intentional that they want to live with purpose and embrace every day they have … to live it to the fullest.  They are aware of legacy and that what they choose to do going forward will leave an influence.  In changing themselves, they change those around them as well.  

My beautiful mother graduated at 63 with her Masters in Social Work and has gone on to leave profound influence and impact.  She embraced the freedom and her empty nest naturally brought.  She worked full time, finished her Masters and never missed a beat of being an incredible wife, mother, and grandmother.  And you better believe that we saw it all.  We were observing and watching.  The lessons were caught rather than taught.

*The hardest part can be a feeling of loss of identity. It is so easy to have your identity wrapped up in what you do for others, without even realizing it. It can then hit hard when they move on to independence and you are not needed the same. Make sure you take some time to discover your unique purpose and identity, outside of what you do for others. Your purpose remains the same, but what that looks like practically will change. When both my children were first out of the home I sat often on the couch trying to think of what I should do next … after a few nights of thinking and feeling, I got going and started to get busy. It wasn’t long before I was feeling a sense of purpose again … and have alot of fun I might add!

*Serve. Serving others can help you still feel that you are helping and supporting others. Volunteer with groups that you really enjoy being with or that fill your love bucket for others.

*Change your mindset and perspective. Gratitude is always a powerful mindset changer. This is a stage that you have poured yourself into getting to and now you are here! They are finally independent! Celebrate the journey with gratitude. Having a mindset of gratitude is a very intentional step to take. When you are struggling it can take some time before your intention of gratitude and your feeling of gratitude align. Take the intentional steps to list what you are thankful for in this stage and your feelings and your joy will catch up – I promise. Focus on the benefits and advantages that this stage will bring you and then embrace it! It is a powerful and intentional step.

*Enjoy not having to own their decisions. O, this is a really big one. Hear me when I say … you have done your job. You have poured into your children and done your best. You were not perfect, I know that because none of us are. But they are old enough to make their own decisions, and these may not be ones you are happy about. I mean, that isn’t how you raised them, right? Allow your adult children to make their own decisions and realize that they are independent of you. Don’t take responsibility for the decisions, don’t enable them, and don’t own them. You do not have to justify them, or explain them. If they are old enough to make them, they are old enough to own them. The fact that they have the freedom to make their own decisions gives you freedom as well.

*Make some fun. This is your time to have some fun that you put off while you were supporting and raising others. It will be an adjustment, I understand. If you are married, enjoy the additional time to do things you both enjoy but just didn’t have the time or energy for before. Exercise together, take some trips you always wanted to but didn’t want to splurge on, go out for dinner, make special dinners at home, turn your music up loud. The fun will also help you change your mindset if you are really struggling.

*Give yourself grace. It is totally normal to have a hard time letting go. Talk about it. Allow the sadness and understand it is part of the journey.  And then make the decision to find the joy.  Often finding the joy is intentional and purposeful.  It doesn’t just fall in your lap, you have to look for it and make it!

*Remember your why. When you identify and know your true and unique purpose you can apply it to every journey. Your purpose is not about what you do, but rather how you do it. It is how you filter what you do and don’t do. So be intentional and true to your purpose in your support of your adults as well.

Seize the day and embrace the joy.  Keep your focus and clarity and you will live you days with strength and confidence. 

Your legacy will be passed on as they watch how you lead your life and live your purpose with joy.  

Don’t they say, “If I knew how fun the years of having grandchildren were, I would have had them first!”

We get choose each day how we will live it.  Choose to live with joy.